Being in bed sick for the past five (longest and most mind-numbing) days, I got to thinking about a lot of things… Career moves, friendships, love, relationships; everything that a young and hopeful twenty-something tends to think about. This idea came up in conversation with a friend (who shall remain nameless) a few weeks ago, during a particularly trying time in my personal life, and it seemed to be quite applicable to all of the aforementioned categories. The idea was – why do people settle for good over great? And do we, as young adults in our twenties, even have the foresight to know the difference between what’s just good and what is GREAT?
Disclaimer: I am going to be using the words good and great a lot throughout this post.
So I Googled “good vs. great” and came up with … nothing! There have been close to zero articles written about this interesting idea, wherein so many of our choices lie juxtaposed in this day and age. So I am going to elaborate on this, as I sit here with my celebratory recovery pint of beer, feeling like a less-classy Carrie Bradshaw, as I wax philosophical on the subject of life, love, and not settling.
First of all, let’s just admit – we all want to fill our lives with greatness wherever possible. We all tell ourselves that we will never settle for anything less. But when something comes along that fulfills all necessary requirements, neatly checkmarks all those boxes; be it a job or a relationship; it’s all too easy to accept what we are given and feel lucky that at least someone (your new employer or love interest) looked at us twice. So we give in and work with what we have, making excuses and adjustments and potentially sacrificing important parts of ourselves in order to make this part fit into who we think we are or who society tells us we should be. I’m not going to lie – I’ve done it too. But do we stay with the status quo out of fear of the unknown? Or because we simply, purely, have no idea that what we have in front of us may not be it? When you’ve never felt that rush that comes with being absolutely, ridiculously, almost inconveniently consumed by your passion for something or someone, it’s easy to stick with that which seems routine and “normal”. However….
In terms of a career – I am at a turning point, a fork in the road, where after leaving a steady and stable career path (which I would have labeled as good, at best) for something that draws on my passion like nothing ever before (great), I am trying to decide which path to take in this new career as school comes to an end. Throughout these “hard economic times”, it almost seems ungrateful to say I am holding out for great when faced with all the options I am lucky enough to have. But I do not, under any circumstance, want to live in the “at least I have something” mindset. Here’s the equation – I know that holding out for the great career involves saying no to the potentially good career – it’s simple economics; an opportunity cost thing. Life is all about choices, and I am perpetually scared that I am going to make the wrong one at such a pivotal time in my life and end up in something that doesn’t make me want to jump out of bed in the morning. Call it a product of the “Age of Entitlement” or “Generation Y-Not”, or whatever else it is that the older folks like to call our incessant mind-changing, I-want-it-all-with-the-least-amount-of-minimal-effort age cohort, but I really do believe that we can all achieve our best if we follow our hearts. Sometimes that means taking the long way around, but it’s worth it in the end.
And of course, relationships… ahhhh, now this is a touchy subject. For many couples, good is good enough – there is understanding, there is a mutual bond, there is some laughter, and ultimately a relatively solid foundation. But one of my favourite sayings, adorned on a plaque in my bedroom as a gift from my good friend, is:
.
… If these are words to live by, why, then, do some of us settle for less than that heart-fluttering, walking-on-air, I-can’t-believe-I-actually-finally-feel-this-way feeling? Maybe it’s because we’re scared. Maybe it’s because we never got to experience what great feels like. Until you do, it’s almost kind of impossible to wrap your head around. Great is like good – on crack. It’s not based solely on that mutual understanding; instead, it is more like a cosmic alignment; lighting up every subtle nuance of your soul – simultaneously planting this fire in your heart while bringing peace to your mind – fueling your insatiable desire to do anything and everything – pushing you further than you thought was possible – but supporting you gracefully and lovingly in every way in case you fall.
… Really? Am I just crazy?
Who knows. All I know is that there are plenty of people in good relationships, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with good. Entire lives are built around good. But after experiencing great, I wish and I hope, for myself and everyone close to me, that the quest for greatness does not end in the admittance that this is just an ideology, and that we are better off settling for more “realistic” pursuits. Because there is no such thing as an objective reality. It’s all perception – your ‘reality’ is formed solely on how you perceive the world around you. So let’s see what it feels like to perceive the idea that we all deserve the best in life and love, and go after it whole-heartedly. After all, we are the Entitled Ones, are we not?
I think that ultimately, the choice between good vs. great gets better and easier the more we trust ourselves. And maybe that trust comes with age, or life experiences, or having to stand on our own two feet more often. Whatever it is, I’m looking forward to it – and in the meantime – hopefully choosing great.
xo
iris.and.moksha. 