Day 30 – THE END (Or Just the Beginning…) October 31, 2011

Day 30 has arrived!!! Anxious, excited, and slightly nervous – this is how I feel at 6:00 pm, an hour before heading off to the “closing ceremonies”, a 2-hour Moksha class led by different teachers, of the Moksha Yoga 30-Day Challenge. It kind of feels like Christmas Eve… unsure of what to expect, but excited at the prospect of what the next morning (or in this case, the next class) will bring. How will I feel once this is over? Regardless, It’s been a long month, full of wonderful ups and downs, that I will cherish along with the memories of yoga classes slotted in there every day to define my inner journey.

Sidenote: Before you start reading, I want to warn you that this is going to be a long one. And I’m not holding back. Because it’s the last day, this is it! Since I can’t please all audiences with this blog, I am going to write for myself. I hope you take the time to read it, but if it doesn’t interest you, that’s cool too.

On this crisp Sunday autumn evening, I was greeted at the door by Steph, with a big hug and a genuine congratulatory smile. There was an air of excitement and accomplishment throughout the studio as students and teachers milled around, getting ready for the final practice of the 30-Day Challenge. When we finally got settled, Darcy started us off with some inspiring words. The Sanskrit word yoga has the literal meaning of “yoke”, from a root yuj meaning to join, to unite, or to attach. Therefore, yoga is literally meant to be a union – presumably of the mind, body, and soul. She went on to explain how the practice of yoga is actually our true nature and humanity’s natural state. The series of poses are structured in a way to build up an internal fire which burns away anything that inhibits the full expression of ourselves. We come across so many distractions,  are bombarded by so many messages, stresses, and situations throughout life that the one place we can come to understand who we really are, is the yoga mat. It sounds hokey and cult-ish, I know, and for those of you who haven’t yet began to grasp the power of yoga, I invite you to ponder this quote:

“Before you’ve practiced, the theory is useless. After you’ve practiced, the theory is obvious.”

Just like writing, I never know how yoga is going to go when I first start it, whether it’s just a class or a month straight of practicing. When starting a blog post, I let my unfolding thoughts conjure up the words I type. Sometimes, I end up with a completely different “theme” for a post then what I had envisioned, but I know it’s genuine and from the heart, so I don’t look back. I decide on a title, then go ahead and hit “Publish”. With this 30-Day Challenge, I signed up to it not really knowing, at all, what to expect or the effect it would have on my mind, my body, my life.  Generally, when we start a commitment like this (training for a bike race, running a marathon), we have a specific goal in mind. Achieving that goal, we hope, will leave us feeling fulfilled.

The difference is that this was not a goal – in the traditional sense of the word – for me. This was an intention, a commitment to the process instead of the finished product; an intention to follow through with something for 30 days just because I felt it might be possible.

I was interested in seeing how integrating this new element of movement and mind/body balance would affect my life, mostly out of playful curiosity. I already knew I loved yoga, and I wasn’t looking for a weight-loss strategy. What I’ve realized is, the power of committing yourself to being consistent – a single step – can start an entire journey, a ripple effect of positivity into your life. You realize what you can make space for if you really want to. All it takes is the intent; never mind whether you think you can actually do it; that becomes evident along the way.

Now, I elaborate. What changes have I noticed at the end of these 30 wonderful days?

My Body

After two days of no yoga while I was fighting off a cold (and still am), my body was literally begging me for movement. My hips and quads and calves and shoulders and back had gotten so used to daily opening that they began to stiffen as soon as I stopped. I also noticed, as was the case tonight, that I can enter a class feeling sniffly, sick, or exhausted, and leave feeling 100% myself – even though science says that exerting yourself actually has a detrimental effect on illness. But I’m going to trust my body….

Finally (the part you’ve all been waiting for… ha), I have noticed a significant change in my body composition. My hips and waist are leaner (judging from the way my jeans fit now), and my legs are much stronger. The line from my hip bones to my inner thigh muscles is strongly defined with a noticeable ridge running lengthwise. My quads feel powerful and stable, enabling me to run up 3 flights of stairs to my 8:00 am Monday marketing class without feeling the slightest burn. In my upper body, I now see smooth muscle definition in my shoulders and back, thanks to all those downward dog flows. On the whole, I feel balanced, strong, and streamlined. I have this deep visceral connection with my body, an awareness of how every part works together beautifully – a feeling I never got by isolating each part of my body through weight training or even cycling.

My Mind

Wow. Where do I begin? I didn’t expect yoga to actually cause a shift in the way I think and feel on a day-to-day basis. Situations that would normally bother me, now just slide right off my back (most of the time). The amount of stress I used to feel has dissipated and bubbled down to nothingness, which is what it was in the first place – stressing over nothing. I find that I am able to take on more in my life because I don’t actually stress about getting things done. The more you do, the more space you create for creativity and inspiration and energy. As an energetic Aries – a fire sign – this is my true nature. Stress stems from worry of a) not having enough time to accomplish the things you have to get done, and b) whether or not you will do/have done your best. I have faith in myself to complete tasks and address situations as they arise, and just going with my gut is absolutely enough for me now. My productivity has increased tenfold as a result. I try not to think about the finished product; instead, I get lost in the process… whether it’s a school project, a work task, a social situation, or a addressing personal problem. Yoga taught me this, because yoga is not about an end goal. If it were, people would not practice yoga for their entire lives the way they do in Eastern parts of the world. They would “conquer” it, and move on. It would not be a lifelong, sustainable practice.

On an emotional level, I think yoga has played a part in giving me the strength to confront some difficult situations in my life. This month has brought some unprecedented emotional turbulence, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I’ve had some amazing experiences, learned a lot about myself and the interconnectedness of the world and relationships, and overall become a more resilient person. I trust in my heart that everything happens for a reason, and that maybe someday down the line it will all make sense. They say hindsight is 20/20, right?

My Community

Me with Steph and Darcy after the final Challenge class! All smiles

Most of all, I am thankful for the extension of community that Moksha has brought to my life. Yoga challenges or journeys generally start as a “me” endeavour, and end as something so much greater – because yoga does not stop at “you”. It gives us the ability to create freedom within ourselves, which then makes us more available to others. Taking true care of those around you starts with taking care of yourself first. I am sure that my ability to care so much for those close to me stems from feeling fulfilled with everything else. Of course, I have ‘off’ days and selfish days and sad days. But this progression started as something that might benefit me, and ended up bettering my relationships and my drive to support the greater community around me. I feel like I can take on the world! I realized how much Moksha Yoga North York supports their community, their students, with the creation of a space in which you can feel safe, welcome, and honored. They stay true to their belief that the yoga practice does not end on the mat; it only truly begins on it. Always there with words of encouragement or help with a posture or anything at all, the staff at Moksha Yoga is half of what keeps me coming back for more! They inspire just by being themselves and leading by example.

MYNY love

I noticed, on Day 23 when I practiced at Moksha Yoga London while visiting my good friend Carly for the weekend, that the sense of community and respect seemed to be lacking a little. I brought Carly to class with me, hoping she would enjoy it and find the same sense of community and openness thatresonates with Moksha Yoga North York. Unfortunately, I don’t think either of us found it. Although a yoga studio is a business, what I love about MYNY is that it becomes a community centre as well. I can’t really put my finger on what was lacking at MYL, but I’m just grateful to have had that experience, making me realize that not all Mokshas are the same, and what makes a studio great is the sum of their great people.

My Yoga

Dancers Pose

Needless to say, my practice has improved markedly. I love the way it feels to remember how something used to be a struggle and is now a portal for release and ease, while still providing a challenge. I have learned how to breathe properly, a skill that will increase my cardio endurance in every type of setting. Breathing in and out is what reminds me that I am alive, and that the breath is all I need when I’m struggling. It holds so much power.

I used to take a rest pose every time we moved into camel pose because I’d get short of breath and never thought I’d be able to actually reach for my heels… until I actually tried it, one week into the Challenge. Now I can’t get enough of it, and I’ve learned how to open my heart to the sky (see below)!

My flexibility has at least doubled – I love the way it feels now that I can fold my body in half…

What I’ve learned through this hectic month of running between school, work, yoga, and social commitments, is that excuses are useless. If I could get to a yoga class almost every day for 30 days, despite the fact that I go to school in Etobicoke and live in North York and work somewhere in between, then I think anything is possible. I couldn’t help but be motivated and excited after the first week of realizing I could actually do this; I could actually make time for it and make it a priority. It has turned into a habit, the best kind of habit, where I eagerly anticipate every time that I get to roll out my mat in that hot, humid room, lay on my back, close my eyes, and take a deep breath in to begin my journey of self-exploration.

In closing, I want to be honest and say that the end of this challenge was somewhat anti-climatic. At the final practice tonight I thought I might feel some grandiose sense of accomplishment, some culmination of a great feat. While I was grateful and proud of myself, I didn’t feel particularly accomplished. Then I realized it was because, this is not the end of something. It’s the start of something new. An undocumented, lifelong, all-encompassing love affair with yoga.

I am going to end with my favourite quote of all time, which I saved this until the very last day. It’s a quote that was on the front of my journal during a very tumultuous and uprooting, yet happy and exciting, time in my life, and it re-inspired me everytime I looked at it. It encompasses my deeply-rooted belief and recent realization that it’s not about how much you accomplish or how “far” you get in life. Life is about choosing to pursue those paths that fill you up inside. This must be why so many people rush around constantly doing things and desperately trying to accomplish – it’s possible they haven’t yet found that peace that comes from truly just enjoying something, something that turns on the light within them and sets their hearts on fire. As I always like to believe, it’s quality over quantity.

“In the midst of our lives, we must find the magic that makes our souls soar.”

Thank you so much for sharing in my journey. NAMASTE!!! xoxo

Day 27 – Facing the Inevitable October 27, 2011

Sitting in bed with my laptop and a large mug of lemongrass tea, I am finding it hard to find the strength in my tired body to maintain an upright position for more than five minutes. It’s official – I’m sick. I have been pulling the “mind over matter” shtick all week in attempt to fend off this creeping fatigue and achiness, but today it hit me and I have retreated under the covers for a long nap and some TLC.

 

Having to bail on anything fun (yoga, social plans, whatever the case may be) due to factors completely beyond your control is probably, in my opinion, one of the worst feelings. I had some fabulous post-yoga plans for this evening, and unfortunately had to call it quits on those. I know I have to take care of myself, but I can’t believe Day 27 finds me in bed, sick, at 7pm instead of on my yoga mat or out for drinks with my work girls. I am going to let this be a lesson in how to accept circumstances beyond your control and make peace with the outcome when you absolutely cannot do anything to change it in the short-term (as if I didn’t already learn this lesson today when my car sputtered and flat-out died in the middle of a major intersection this afternoon… but that’s another story).

 

I am very much looking forward to Saturday, when I will be attending an all-day workshop fundraiser presented by Michael Stone and the New Leaf Foundation. This workshop will focus on bringing awareness to the complexities of life and world events, through meditation and group discussions. I was invited by Stephanie and Darcy, the owners/managers of MYNY, and I can’t wait to see how adding another dimension of purpose to our consciousness will deepen all of our practices.

 

On that note, an uplifting quote that has helped me get through today…

Day 26 – Dealing with Emotional Adversity October 26, 2011

Well, I am unsure of how to begin this blog post. On the one hand, I am thrilled that I’ve made it through 26 days of hot yoga – not only made it through, but thrived during the majority of it. On the other hand, I had just experienced the most emotionally tumultuous day I’ve had in a long time, and was in no state to be practicing with a clear head. The rain and dreary weather seemed to taunt my perturbed thoughts, reflecting my negative emotions back to me with an air of pathetic fallacy. In addition to my emotional state, I was starting to feel nauseous and flu-ish today, leading me to question my ability to attend afternoon class on campus, let alone evening yoga.

 

 

I decided, despite my fatigued body and unsettling emotions, that I had to get to yoga. They say getting there is half the battle – I do not disagree. The other half of the battle is trying to get through a one-hour Moksha class when you feel like you have just been run over by a bus. Getting through that class was extremely difficult for me today; my lack of commitment to the postures left me feeling defeated and exhausted. Postures that I normally look forward to, such as Camel, I found myself taking Child’s Pose through. I probably lay in Savasana for a quarter of the class in total. My heart would start to pound with the slightest bit of over-exertion as my body literally rejected strenuous postures. At this point, my emotions were not even a factor anymore. They had built up all day, like a whirlpool with its own momentum, not based on any event that had transpired over the course of the day, but on my own internal perspective of ongoing situations in my life. I worked at flushing them out and focusing on the physical aspect, which was already troubling me more than necessary. I am of the belief that your thoughts influence your physicality, so it was understandable that I was experiencing this defeat through the body.

 

 

I finally realized that I was proud of myself for just making it to class. It was a rainy day, traffic was awful, I was starting to get sick, and it would have been all too easy to call it quits. Just being in the room, knowing that I could commit as much or as little as I was physically able to now that I was actually there, was a good feeling. I am proud to say that I am just… proud! Nonetheless, ready for this terrible day to be over. Bring on the FINAL FOUR!

 

To end on a brighter note, here’s a cheeky quote that I love:

“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience” – Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

Day 25 – Checking In Before the Final Stretch

Day 25! You know what this means – well, I know what this means; I don’t know if you do, but – only 5 days left in the 30-Day challenge! Wow. The words just hit me as I was typing them out. In the past 25 days, I have attended 22 yoga classes. As much as I would have liked to not have missed those three days, sometimes life takes over. And I’ve learned that I’m okay with that.

 

Me (and my much-needed water bottle) in Runner's Lunge

So how do I feel on Day 25? In short – energized and dehydrated. I know, two seemingly unrelated words; the fusion of the two so improbable that it seems ludicrous to describe my personal state as such, but it’s true. I haven’t felt tired once (okay, maybe once) this month, but after some particularly extravagant festivities on the weekend and my continuous non-replenishing of electrolytes this month, I am feeling insatiably parched. I keep re-filling my aluminum water bottle at every opportunity, but the skin on my face stays dry and my lips continue to crack. Any time I consume more than a few sips of caffeine or wine, I start to feel woozy. This all makes sense – when you perform hot yoga, your body sweats profusely to cool itself. The result is the loss of valuable water and critical electrolytes like sodium potassium and chloride. To keep balanced, it’s essential to replace what’s lost. Today I bought a case of coconut water, after I heard through the hot yoga grapevine that it does wonders to re-hydrate you and replace those electrolytes. Fingers crossed this gets me through the last 5 days…

 

On the bright side, I do feel insanely energized. I can’t believe I haven’t felt fatigued considering how much energy I’ve been expending every day. This is proof that yoga really does center you and provide those reserves of boundless energy that you can call on whenever you may need. It’s actually shocking; I expected to have a couple of rough go’s after jumping into this following a 6-week vacation abroad, but I have been going strong since Day 1. Looking forward to seeing what the next 5 days have to bring…

 

 

Day 24 – Reaching Equilibrium October 24, 2011

It’s Day 24 and I feel as though I have reached a stable point where I have truly  incorporated yoga into my daily life (or maybe I felt this way a while ago, but am just acknowledging it now? Hmmm…). Either way, I now really notice when I don’t practice. Yesterday I didn’t get around to yoga and I literally felt the void. Naturally, I did two classes today in order to make up for it – one Moksha class, followed by a PowerFlow class.

 

In Darcy’s PowerFlow class, I was left utterly inspired. Darcy demands absolute presence in her class, simply by virtue of her own true presence. I almost feel bad if I am not fully focused in her class because she is so adamant about being present for us (this reminds me of that old saying, something to do with presence being a gift. It really is!). She started class off by discussing how the name PowerFlow can be misconstrued to imply a very vigorous, intense practice; for so many of us, power is synonymous with extreme physicality. She went on to explain that while this is true, what this class name really implies is a practice to help us cultivate power over our own lives as human beings – through working the body, mind, and soul in unison. This may sound wishy-washy, but once you ground yourself mentally in the practice instead of just going through the motions, I find that it really rings true.

 

Based on the above statement, it’s obvious that some people come to PowerFlow yoga looking for a workout – and that’s totally fine. However, I started off on the 30-Day Challenge not expecting any physical changes – the journey of committing to doing yoga every day was enough for me. I’m proud to say that I’ve continued to stay true to this, unlike previous fitness endeavours, where I had been constantly focused on the changes in my body, examining myself every other day and stepping on the scale every few days. With yoga, it has become so easy, almost too easy, to accept everything about the life I am living and the skin I’m in. I keep thinking, “Where’s the resistance? Isn’t there something that I need to work towards changing?  My body? My outlook? My personal life?”. This is what I mean by reaching equilibrium. Nothing is done as means to an end goal; finally, everything holds satisfaction in itself.

 

I feel that this quote, by the recently late Steve Jobs, is most appropriate:

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” – Steve Jobs

Day 21 – A Surprising Discovery October 21, 2011

Today, it being a lazy Friday with no class, I decided to double up on Moksha classes to make up for the ones I have missed thus far. I did Vikram’s one-hour Moksha followed by Amanda’s one-hour Yin class, as my muscles and joints were definitely asking for the deep-tissue stretching that Yin Yoga provides. The premise behind Yin yoga is to hold each posture for 3-5 minutes (instead of 30 seconds to a minute) so that the muscles around the joints relax (this happens after a minute or two) and you are able to get into the deep tissue of the muscles to provide a truly restorative stretch.

 

What surprised me about this day, though, was that I thought it was the Moksha class that would exhaust me; definitely not the Yin class. How could a slow-paced, deep-stretching class cause any sort of unrest or physical tension for me? Quite the contrary. Yin was the most challenging class for me – mentally and physically. I couldn’t believe it. I think I came to this realization while stretched backwards in Sleeping Hero, when my lower back started aching 3 minutes into the posture and I could no longer support my neck with my shoulders because I was propped up on my forearms. My mind started acting up, playing with scenarios – “How much longer in this pose? Is this bad for my knees? My shoulders are killing me. I don’t know how much longer I can hold this. I am ready for this to be over…” – and this went on for almost every posture in class.

 

Sleeping Hero (advanced position - I modify by propping myself up)

 

I know I was extremely stiff, and the physical unrest in my body caused unrest in my mind. It was an interesting dynamic. Normally in the Moksha series we are focused on the pose at hand for no more than a minute, so the mind is constantly preoccupied with what’s next. The challenge comes when you are holding a pose for longer than usual and the mind starts to react to tension in the body that must be accepted. It’s a very empowering feeling to work through those thoughts and see them dissipate as you accept the position you are in and focus on the breath instead of the noise and activity in your mind. I am still working on that…

 

“I am always doing things I can’t do. That is how I get to do them.” – Pablo Picasso

Day 20 – Embracing your Power October 20, 2011

I am proud to announce that I am officially 2/3 of the way done the 30-Day Challenge! I’m also kind of sad to think about the fact that in 10 days, I will no longer be obligated to do yoga everyday. Instead, I will have to take it upon myself, with no one holding me accountable, to get to a yoga class. They say it takes approximately 2 weeks to form a habit (don’t ask me who “they” is… I’ve always wondered the same thing), so after 30 days, I don’t think I’ll have a problem continuing. It’s also not hard to do something you love every day. : )

 

Warrior 2

 

After finishing my second-last midterm today, I was eager to head over to Moksha Yoga for Stephanie’s afternoon class. I had an extra spring in my step today, ready to take on whatever challenge life threw my way. Yoga is great for that – it’s an outlet for your worst days, but also a way to shine on your best days. I stretched and sweated my way through the hour-long Moksha class, and before I knew it, it was over. I think the reason this class flew by was my amount of unwavering presence. I felt powerful and open to receiving all sensations; no resistance in the postures created more acceptance. I noticed during Warrior 2 that I actually felt like a warrior – gaze steady, arms strong, legs solid and supportive. Even Stephanie noticed, and offered some positive words of encouragement. Every posture looped seamlessly into the next, until class was over.

 

When it came time to close our practice, I looked down at my hands pressed together in prayer position, and was startled at how vivid everything looked. The diamonds on my ring were sparkling in the soft studio light, my fingernails appeared glossy and smooth with taught nailbeds, and my legs, which were folded into lotus pose, showed some beauty marks I had never noticed. I felt like a photographer capturing a moment in time that no one else could see. It was a beautiful way to close my practice, and I don’t think it’s a moment I’ll soon forget.

 

Autumn Yoga - Dancer's Pose

Day 19 – Becoming Aware through Meditation October 19, 2011

I decided to give Moksha Meditation another try on Wednesday, and wow, am I ever glad I did. As we sat on our blocks for the beginning meditation, legs crossed, eyes closed, mouth, face, arms, shoulders and belly relaxed, trying desperately to clear our minds and tap into to some otherworldy power within our souls, Jess gently reminded us of an important foundation. Meditation is not an escape from life. It is not something you do to “get away” from your life even if you hate it, to forget everything that may cross your troubled mind. Instead, it is a way of observing your thoughts as they come to you; a way of really understanding what it is you are feeling, how you got there, and what you can do to best accept everything.

In that frame of mind, I was able to observe the thoughts that came up, examine them in an objective light, and take them just for what they were – thoughts. Not reality. I almost started laughing at some of the things I had been thinking; those stale, broken-record, self-defeating thoughts that you take as a given and never think to challenge are actually harmless when you examine them from the outside. They only have the power to impact your reality if you let them. It was a liberating, peace-creating, and powerful exercise.

 

My downward dog from last month's workshop... I hope it's gotten better. Heels down!

As we progressed through class, I found my body still a bit achy from Monday. I had to modify some of the postures to alleviate pressure on my quads, calves and lower back. At one point, I became so frustrated that I couldn’t hold my downward dog because of the pressure in my shoulders that I reverted back to Child’s Pose and instead of letting my forehead relax on the ground, had my forehead propped up in my hands, shaking my head in expression of my frustration with myself. Jess must have noticed, because she quietly instructed, “Wherever you are, be there fully”.

 

It made me realize that the satisfaction in a pose comes not from being able to do it perfectly, but from giving it your all. Since I couldn’t give Downward Dog my all, I would give Child’s Pose my 100% effort (instead of seeing it as merely a “backup pose”).  I felt the sensation of my body melting into the ground, my fingertips stretched out in front of me, the space and lightness being created in my lower back and shoulders, and the soothing calmness that relaxing into this restorative pose brought. I smiled to myself and found the strength to get through the rest of class.

 

One final quote on meditation, that I love:

“Meditation is knowing without thinking“

Day 18 – Taking a Day Off… October 18, 2011

I am 18 days into this challenge. Unfortunately, I am also unable to do anything even somewhat physical. After PowerFlow followed by a dance class yesterday, my body is screaming. Inner thighs pushed to their limits so I can barely walk, hips so stiff it hurts to sit down, abs so sore I can’t even muster a laugh, and let’s not get started on my knees…

 

The problem is, I am never cognizant of these feelings in the moment – when I am dancing, nothing hurts. Adrenaline is coursing through my body and I honestly can’t fathom a better feeling. I don’t feel my shin splints until the next day, and I don’t care about my knees or my lower back  when I’m doing a jeté through the air. As corny as it sounds, it really is me, my body, and the music.

 

I didn’t want to let anything get in the way of my 30 Day Challenge, but so far I have missed 3 classes, including today’s. On top of being sore, I am feeling extremely exhausted and overall achy and flu-ish, probably a product of not enough sleep or water and too much yoga (is there such a thing?). I understand that I need this day of rest, but… really? I feel like I’m letting myself down a tiny bit. I guess this is how an athlete feels when they get injured and can’t play in the big game. Though this is no Superbowl, it is important to me. In the grand scheme of things, 3 classes in 30 days is no big deal, and if I want to be able to complete the next 12 days, I need this day off. Oh yoga, I miss you already…

Day 17 – Working Through Pain October 17, 2011

Ahhhh… it’s Day 17 and I am feeling the effects of 17 straight days of yoga, especially since  doubling up and doing two classes in row on a some days. I can’t believe how much stronger I’ve gotten, but my body is suffering as a result.

 

My shoulders, triceps, and upper back are in absolute agony, a product of too many PowerFlow strengthening classes this week. It feels as though someone is putting daggers between my shoulder blades in downward dog, and is lighting a fire underneath my triceps and pectorals everytime I lower myself down into chaturanga (lower push-up position). I have not sufficiently attended the Yin classes, which are deep stretching classes that elimiate the strength element of yoga and just provide you with the very deep, body-opening stretches necessaryto prevent injury when doing such an intense amount of yoga.

 

Regardless of today’s excruciating PowerFlow class, I asked Stephanie, (the lovely manager of Moksha Yoga North York) to help coach me through headstand after class; I knew I had been doing it wrong when resting my head and all my weight on my hands. The key here is to have your head on the ground, not in your hands, and carry your weight in your bicep and tricep strength by pushing down hard into the floor so that your head doesn’t get the brunt of it.

As Steph slowly guided me up to headstand, I felt the utter elation that comes with being completely inverted – a feeling not often experienced (mainly because we don’t often find ourselves completely upside down). She was still holding onto my feet, but I started to feel like I knew exactly what to do to get here on my own next time. What a feeling!

 

Post-yoga, I attended a dance class at the National Ballet School taught by one of my friends from Laurier; Natasha is an amazing choreographer who led one of my scenes in Fashion ‘n’ Motion, a fashion/dance show we put on at Laurier. It was a lyrical/contemporary class – my favourite, the most expressive form of dance. We ended with choreography to Someone Like You by Adele; an incredibly raw and emotional song that begs for soulful movement. Natasha did not disappoint – I lost myself in the music and left class feeling like I was walking on a cloud. We’ll see how I feel tomorrow after 75 minutes of PowerFlow and 90 minutes of dance… ouch.

Day 16 – Understanding Impermanence October 16, 2011

Tonight, in Christine’s PowerFlow class, I noticed a few things happening, both physically and emotionally:

1) The strength in my upper body has increased to the point where I can effortlessly lower myself down to the floor before going into upward dog without dropping my knees. This used to be impossible. Go triceps!

2) My hip flexors are ridiculously tight. Yogis say that we store most of the tension from our lives in our hips, which is why pigeon pose (pictured below; the most hip-opening posture in yoga) can bring up so many emotions.

3) Finally, I noticed that I was slightly more introverted tonight than on most nights. With midterms fast approaching this week, I couldn’t expect to be my cheery, outgoing self and stay after class to chat, but this observation bothered me a little. Why did I not feel super-expressive the way I normally am and have always been after class?

 

To my last point, I realized that I was judging my tendencies. I assumed that things should be the same in the same situation every day, and if they weren’t, something must be wrong. However, because we are changing every single day, we can’t expect permanence in our actions and feelings. Just because you’re not acting a certain way or feeling a certain way in the same situation, day in and day out (as that would be unrealistic), does not dimish how great it is that you were able to act or feel that way at one point. When experiencing a good feeling or a great situation, we tend to wish it would be like that forever. However, the fact that it may not should not stop us from appreciating the amazingness of those light moments in life and the momentum that they bring us. Impermanence is a part of life that must be accepted, and it will continue to work against you until you stop resisting it.

 

Mulling over my new realization in the car ride home after class, I was able to stop myself from pondering what my mood meant and how other people perceived it. Instead, I invited the idea of impermanence in and made peace with it. This led me to finding the following quote, which really resonated with the way I like to approach life, in that new situations bring new knowledge:

 

“That which is impermanent attracts compassion. That which is not provides wisdom.”

 

Day 12 – Feeling the Burn October 12, 2011

Sometimes, just getting to yoga class is the “challenge” part of this Challenge. Today’s class was a tough one to get through, not because of the actual class, but because of my mindset approaching it. As soon as it started, a large part of me wanted it to be over. I was dehydrated (hadn’t drank enough water after two coffees today), exhausted (left the house at 6am, commuting from one end of the city to the other for school and appointments), sore from yesterday’s PowerFlow, and it didn’t help that the class was packed full with sweaty bodies, inching the temperature in there up to a nice 43 degrees celsius. For the first time, I was not particularly pleased to be practicing yoga.

 

I somehow got through the class, having to take a few breaks in savasana when the heat got too intense, but it was the first time this Challenge that I couldn’t wait to get out of there. I breathed a sigh of relief as we closed our practice. It might have been the rain that day, it might have been my bodily state, but I was out of whack and just not feelin’ it. I have come to the realization that one cannot separate yoga and life. Yoga is life. My life today impacted the quality of my practice, but I did my best to observe my judgments and not get too wrapped in them. In the words of Deepak Chopra…

 

“In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you.”

Day 11 – Opening the Heart October 11, 2011

Camel Pose

Camel Pose – the most heart-opening posture in the yogic series. The heart can literally become contracted due to stressful or painful experiences in an individual’s life, compromising cardiovascular circulation and creating a sense of lethargy in their life. Not only does Camel Pose expand the entire front side of the chest cavity, it also stimulates the thyroid and parathyroid glands, which promotes hormonal balance. Camel Pose also improves spinal flexibility.

 

In Vikram’s PowerFlow class today, I completed the posture successfully for the first time ever. On most other days, I am usually so physically exhausted from the rest of the series and the heat brings a wave of nausea so powerful as soon as I start to lean my body back, that I must immediately revert forward to kneeling or completely lay down in Child’s Pose. Today I was about to give up again, when it was almost as if Vikram had read my mind – he came over, and put his hand on my lower back for support. I took a deep breath and guided myself back slowly. He then moved his hand away and I realized I was mere millimetres away from reaching my heels. I inched my upper body back and soon realized that I could touch my heels! I grabbed onto them and dipped my head back, inducing a rush of blood to my upper body, heart, and head. The feeling of being completed splayed open, reaching my heart to the ceiling and feeling my chest about to burst, was actually the most exhilirating, breathless experience I have had in my yoga practice thus far. I love how every single class has the potential to shift your world, if you just let it.

 

I will leave you with one of my favourite quotes by Deepak Chopra:

“Whatever relationships you have attracted into your life at this moment, are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution.”

Day 10 – Giving Thanks October 10, 2011

It’s Day 10 of the 30 Day Challenge; I am exactly 1/3 done this journey, and I am beginning to take notice of the restorative effects yoga has had on my mind and body. Life has slowed down to a manageable pace, not because I am doing less (I am actually doing more), but because I now take each day, each moment, in stride. Yogic breathing, because of its ability to expel 70% of the stale air and toxins in your system, calms the nervous system and promotes peace from within. This practice is permeating my everyday life and I am so thankful for that.

Today is also a time, for us Canadians, to say thank you and be grateful for everything that has blessed our lives. Yoga is an amazing way to bring gratitude into your life every day (not just one day a year) because you begin to appreciate just being alive and being able to move and breathe and get in touch with the simple miracle of just existing. We do not often, if ever, take time to reflect on the intrinsic value of our lives. We get caught up in what we “have”, our posessions (or lack thereof), what we “do”, who we “are”, but really deep down, no one is defined by these things. You are incredible simply because you are here, you contribute to life on this Earth, and have undoubtedly affected many people’s lives, whether you are aware of it or not. This in itself is something to be thankful for.

In the spirit of today,  I would like to dedicate this post to all that I am grateful for. I am not even sure where to begin; so much has changed in the past year, I find it almost impossible to believe. My life has taken a direction, with help from those around me, that I could not have imagined a year ago.

Jerusalem, Mt. Scopus – August 2011

Above and beyond being thankful for my good health, ability to move and practice yoga and be physically active, I must recognize a few other aspects of my life:

My amazing friends, you know who you are – you have provided laughs, support, hope, inspiration, advice, and shared everything you are with me. Some people have come into my life this year that I now can’t imagine I ever lived without. My family, it goes without saying – I am so proud to be related to every one of them. I have strengthened bonds with distant relatives, had the opportunity to meet some for the first time, and gotten to a real place of love and understanding with my closest family members. My career – I took the plunge to change careers and have not looked back since. I am thankful to have the resources to have been able to do this, and the support when I needed it most. My travels – life-changing, all-pervasive, fulfilling – I am thankful for the sunsets I’ve seen, the connections I’ve made, and the experiences I will never forget. I can’t say more.

 

 

 

 

Sunset over Tel Aviv – Sept 2011

Take this opportunity to be thankful, also, for what you bring to the world and to other peoples’ lives. Every one out there brings something to the table that is unique and that makes the world go ’round. Revel in that.

Days 5 and 6 – Accepting Change October 6, 2011

With the presence of this beautiful weather today (20 degrees and sunny as ever in Toronto), I was in a great mood and looking forward to yoga all morning whilst sitting through class; however, I think my eagerness was partly attributed to the less-than-great Moksha Meditation class I took last night (hoping today’s class would make up for it).

 

Last night, Shayna had us do the whole class facing away from the mirrors, which threw me off immensely, and I was left feeling more unsettled after class than when I had started.  This, I feel, says a lot about how I accept change of routine into my life. I had always thought of myself as a “go with the flow” type of girl, but when confronted with such a radical change in the routine I have been practicing for years, unable to look at myself to see the positioning of my body in the mirror for an entire yoga class, I felt disoriented, thrown off, and unable to focus on the task at hand – quieting my mind and connecting to my body through breath. In retrospect, I realized this may have something to do with my ballet background and years of analyzing the angle of my legs/evenness of my hips/position of my arms in the mirror, but this brought me back to realize the whole point of yoga, which is to look inwards and not focus on the results you see in the mirror. Easier said than done…

 

Today, Jess provided me with some interesting adjustments in rabbit pose ; by standing on my feet and pulling back on my arms, she was able to deepen the stretch all the way down my spine from the top of my head, which is the whole point of this restorative pose; to create space between the spinal ligaments and release tension. Coming out of the pose, I felt 6 inches taller (not that I need to be… ha). I was grateful for the pull, as it released some tension that had been building up in my neck and upper back this week. I tried it again on my own and realized that I had been limiting myself and could actually deepen the pose without having someone adjust me. In essence, I learned that although we can’t always have someone there giving us amazing adjustments, we can learn to push the boundaries on our own. 

 

Rabbit Pose

Day 4 – No Yoga October 4, 2011

Today was a write-off. Between class, group meetings, and work, I was unable to attend any Moksha classes. I had intended on making to the 7 am class again, but was out a bit too late for a Monday night and this time was not willing to struggle through my day on 4 hours of sleep.

I am going to have to double up on classes either tomorrow or Thursday, when I have more time,  but I am okay with that. It will be an interesting experience. What I’ve noticed is that I am accepting this fact, instead of berating myself for not getting up on time . I am actually looking forward to doing two

classes in a day and seeing what that feels like. I used to get so riled up if I missed a day at the gym or if I couldn’t fit a workout in, but today I am just going with the flow. ZEN.   There are so many other, more important things in life to invest my energy in.

Day 3 – Removing Your Blinders October 3, 2011

My alarm went off at 6 am this morning. I thought it was a dream; then I realized I had to get myself out of bed, as Danny’s 7 am class was the only one I could attend on this busy Monday. When you commit yourself to a goal and realize that pursuing it is actually in your power, it’s a force unlike any other. I could have made a million excuses not to go – I’m too tired, it’s too early, it’s too cold out, I just don’t want to because I know I can attend two tomorrow to make up for it  – but the reality is that true fulfillment lies in following through with your goals and committing to those actions. This is what fosters integrity. Not wanting to let myself down, I dragged my sleepy @$$ to yoga.

Danny started off class with an interesting theory about how yoga can help you “take the blinders off”. Far too often, we move through life as if we are wearing blinders; only seeing what we want to see, only believing what we are told to believe about ourselves, on a set path to what we think will bring us happiness. Perhaps out of fear, perhaps out of habit… but it’s undeniable that most people, unless we are in an environment where everything is new to us, choose to see only what we know.

Take off those blinders.

Yoga has the ability to expand our awareness by making us aware of all the possibilities within ourselves and our ability to feel more than just what we are used to through the body, bringing a refreshed sense of being and newness to our lives. This, in turn, helps us broaden our horizons to see the possibilities in the outside world, in our every day lives, that we were previously oblivious to.When you open up the body, you open up the mind.

I realized that maybe what I thought was only possible through traveling and seeing new places, can become accessible to me through practicing yoga… which is a lot more cost-efficient. Let’s commit to removing our blinders and seeing where life may take us…

“Nobody, I think, ought to read poetry, or look at pictures or statues, who cannot find a great deal more in them than the poet or artist has actually expressed. Their highest merit is suggestiveness.”

Day 2 – Letting Go of Resistance October 2, 2011

I was extremely motivated to get to today’s class – one of my good friends Andrea was joining me! I got to share her first Moksha class with her about 8 months ago as well, so we’ve become somewhat of a yoga pair. Having a friend there for moral support always helps; thanks Ange!

As I walked into class, my head was spinning with the events of my weekend, my plans for later that evening, and basically everything but the present moment. Lisa, our Moksha leader for the evening, expressed once again the importance of intention. I commit my intention to welcoming what arises in my practice, emotionally and physically, instead of fighting against it. Then, that was exactly what I focused on the for the following next hour and fifteen minutes.

What I noticed was an almost imperceptible improvement  in my ability to maintain each posture. When I would notice my mind begin to struggle against holding a posture such as prayer twist (see photo), my legs would start getting tired and shaky and the pain was amplified. I then dropped the resistance to it by fully accepting and experiencing the posture. Almost immediately, the pose would end and we’d be moving onto the next one. This happened several times.

Moral of the story? That which you resist is often what becomes stronger. When you fully give in to the way things are, almost immediately, everything starts working in your favour. I am excited to employ this philosophy in my daily life.

 

 

 

 

I will leave you with a quote Andrea sent me post-class:

“Pain is weakness leaving the body.”

Day One – The Kick-Off October 1, 2011

Saturday October 1st – the very first day of my Moksha Yoga Challenge. Fall has clearly arrived, judging by the chilly 6 degree weather I was lucky enough to encounter on my morning bike ride. I have been feeling slightly under the weather with a sore throat, and after some, ahem… festivities last night with my girls from university, I was not in the best shape to practice. However, I decided to go ahead with it and attend a class taught by Christine because I could not justify starting off on the wrong foot for this challenge! At the beginning of every class, we are taught to set an intention for our practice. It can be anything you want to use to guide your practice and give it more meaning – be 100% present, drop negative thoughts, let go of judgment, or simply get through the class. My intention today was to let go of any thoughts that didn’t serve me, as my mind often wanders to the dramas of my life when it is not focused on what I am doing in the moment.

Entering the first set of breathing exercises, I noticed the kink in my neck, as well as some upper and lower back soreness from yesterday’s Moksha class. Losing my balance in some postures I normally found quite easy, I started to get a bit frustrated. At one point, in downward dog, I tried what I had learned in a Moksha workshop last weekend – pressing your entire palm and all 5 fingers into the ground to almost lift yourself off the floor instead of collapsing into your wrists – and it made all the difference! My flow series suddenly became weightless, and exactly what it is supposed to be – a flow.

I regained my momentum and finished the class with strength. (The flow series is a series of connecting postures, starting with downward dog, moving into plank position, then lowering down to the floor into almost a push up position, and scooping up into upward dog before moving back to downward dog to repeat).

 

At the end of class, as we were lying in savasana (the beginning and final pose in any yoga series), Christine left us with a powerful quote:

“Every second you spend searching for happiness is another second you spend away from your truest self.”

This rings true for me. I left feeling 100 lbs lighter from that class. Starting in a resistant stage, and ending up in an energized and momentous state of mind, I look forward to seeing how the next 29 days will shape my consciousness and bring more light into my life.